40 on my 40th

I’ve been thinking about turning 40 for years now.  I’m actually excited for it.  To date, I’ve never felt sad or melancholy about my age.  I like getting older. I always have.  It might be different if I hit these milestone ages and didn’t like the life I was building, but for me that’s not the case.  I’m not sure if that makes me lucky, normal or both. 

When I was in my 20s I looked forward to being in my 30s because I had it in my head, that people think of you less as a kid and more of a bona fide adult.  They do take you more seriously, at least in the business world.  Coincidentally, it was in my 30s I left the business world to play with my kids.

My 30s were full.  I became a parent.  I bought a house.  I sold a house.  I lived in three different states in six different places and made some amazing friends along the way.  I also closed a business, buried people I love, sat with people I love as chemo ran through their veins, struggled with infertility, pregnancy and experienced job loss and true financial stress. 

Turning 40 is exciting to me.  I’m done having kids so that proverbial clock isn’t sad.  I’m so thankful for the two I have.  They didn’t come easy but we got them here and I’m profoundly grateful.  After nearly 14 years of marriage and 18 years of togetherness, I still love my husband with all my heart.   He is the best friend I’ve ever had.  Our kids are ages 10 and six now, fully capable of going to the bathroom, getting dressed and making cereal for themselves when they wake-up and playing on their own.  If you have kids you know what it took for them to conquer these skills and let you sleep.  They surprise us with their keen minds daily.  They are loving, and kind people, unless they’re fighting over the TV, toys or space, then they’re just loud, or bratty, that happens too.  Our family is settled and we’re making a life in a place I never imagined we’d be – rural Nebraska (gasp!), but we’re together and overall content.  I am blessed. 

In honor of my 40^th birthday, I decided to challenge myself.  I wanted to see if I could think of 40 things that were important observations or lessons to me personally.  Help me kick-start blogging again.  This is by no means an attempt to sound sage or holier than thou.  I simply wanted to see if I could do it – a gift to myself, as I like to write and a sign that I continue to learn as a I go.  I’m as always a work in progress.  Here goes…

40 Observations on my 40^th Birthday 

1. When choosing who to spend your life with, choose their faults wisely.  All the good stuff that made you fall in love in the first place will always be there but the faults become a lot less charming with each passing year. 
2.  When you make cookies do not, I repeat, do not skimp on time when you’re creaming the butter and sugar together.  This step is the key to a really, really good cookie.  Trust me and if you don’t trust me, check out my cookie belly – proof I make really good cookies. 
3. Menudo the food contains cow stomach.  Now you know should your dad and aunties convince you to try it before they tell you what it is.  You’re welcome.  For the record, I’ve only had it that one time.
4. Many people don’t understand you can be fully Latino/Latina and look Irish.  Once dubbed the rainbow race because of all the colors we are – not all Latino people are dark-skinned with dark hair and eyes.  We’re not all illegal and Spanish speaking either.  So if you’re ignorant and hateful, watch what you say because you could actually be spewing your nonsense to one of us.  Trust me when I say this happens.  I’ve heard some horrible, horrible things from people who had no clue.
5. The first time your child tells you they love you with actual baby talk words, it will melt you into a pool of love from which you will never be the same. 
6.  People assume a lot of things about the overweight.  I’d like to clarify overweight doesn’t mean lazy.  I know a lot of skinny alcoholics, thus proving similar issues can have very different results.  
7.  Some folks will never accept their morals are not everyone’s morals.  Many of these folks will also never accept that these people are different and not necessarily wrong.  There is a big difference between different and wrong. 
8.  Marriage is not for the faint of heart or weak minded.  It transcends being in love.  It’s a daily choice stemmed from love resulting in a commitment to the same person that you’re going to be there, do the right thing, put in the work, and wake up tomorrow and do the same thing even if you’re angry, tired or stressed. 
9.  The so-called boring stuff is often stuff that makes the memories.  My current favorite examples are family movie nights, playing Settlers of Catan with good friends, and planting flowers with my kids. 
10.  I never knew how much my mom loved me until I had my own kids.  My kids will never know how much I love them until they have their own. 
11.  Friends that continually make fun of you in a passive-aggressive manner are probably not good friends.  This may take some time to realize as often they are funny but in the mean kind of way which isn’t really funny if you think about it. 
12. Should you need one, Sunbutter (sunflower seed butter) is the best substitute for peanut butter. 
13. You can plan the most beautiful pregnancy in your mind.  The one you get may be nothing like this vision.  That is, if you get to experience it at all.  Infertility is a painful reality to many women, so ladies, quit you’re whining if you have to have a C-section.  A healthy baby and mom is the goal and one not every gets to achieve. 
14.  While we’re on the subject, you’re no more of a hero if you have a so-called natural birth.  Growing a human and birthing it under any circumstances is nothing short of a miracle.  To take this further, moms who become moms via adoption are on a whole different super hero level. 
15.  You’re not a better mom if you breastfeed until they’re two, or even at all.  It’s awesome, yes, but moms who didn’t have success in this arena are equally awesome.  When I was struggling with this, recovering from Pertussis, a re-opened C-Section incision had a baby in the NICU at a hospital 45 miles away, and weak from bed rest, my OB-GYN looked me square in the eye and said, “You’ve met my daughter.  She’s beautiful.  She’s adopted, perfect, and a formula-fed baby.  I give you permission to let this go and focus on getting everyone home and healthy.”  I will love her until the day I die for telling me this.  I quit pumping that day and can’t say I never looked back, mommy guilt is a powerful thing, but know it was the best choice for my family. 
16.  Not everyone should be parents.  Some people can be amazing, and incredible at their jobs but lousy parents. 
17. I see higher education as an investment in yourself that no one can ever take away from you.  My college degree is one of my proudest achievements 
18.  Unless things have changed dramatically since I was in college.  Money is not an excuse for not going to college.  I know young, single mothers who’ve made it work.  They are really cool people and parents. 
19.  Some of the healthiest, most active people I know either died from cancer or are in the good fight right now.  So, go ahead and have the occasional nachos from the movie theatre or that second piece of cake of it makes you happy.  There are no guarantees in life. 
20. I think talking in text is this generation’s Valley Girl speak and like totally waaaay-more uh-noy-ing.  I shouldn’t have to Google or Bing random letters to know what the heck someone is saying.  Use your words people.  
21. There are certain times when talking in text is comparable to wearing clothes that are way too young for you or a bikini that’s too small.  If you’re wondering if that’s you, it probably is. ;) ROFL, SHM. 
22.  Kindness, manners and humor have way more equity than pretty packages. Young ladies remember this when dating.
23. Living together and marriage are two completely different things. (I’ve done them both, once with the same person and have no regrets, but they are indeed different.)
24. People who really love you will call you on your nonsense, especially when you don’t want to hear it. 
25.  Divorce is hard on children no matter what their age.  I was two when my folks split up and have seen my parents in the same room together less than 10 times in my life.  How can that no affect you?
26.  Watching your newborn baby struggle to breathe, eat and beat their little heart, will indeed change you forever.  I’ve been through this with two premature babies and it made me worried and anxious to a level I’ve never fully recovered. 
27.  My maternal grandma wasn’t educated beyond 4th grade but is by far the smartest person I’ve ever known.  I miss her wisdom every single day. 
28.  The beauty found hanging in The Louvre will make you cry.  I want to take a nap there and soak up the beauty it through osmosis.  I also want to go back. 
29.  No new Star Wars will ever recapture the magic of what my friends and I felt when we first saw the originals on the big screen decades ago. 
30.  No job or salary is worth more than your self-respect. The coolest job on my resume was very interesting, socially appealing and I was good at it.  It also made me a second rate mom, an irritable wife and miserable.  I knew inside of a month it was a horrible decision. 
31.  There will always be someone prettier, funnier and smarter than me with more money, a nicer car and bigger house, so I try every day to remember how lucky I am to be in this life, in this body and with this family.  It’s not always easy.  Someday I’ll have fancy purses and a bigger house. 
32.  Sometimes the smallest things turn into the biggest ones.  I called my husband first to win a bet at a time I wasn’t looking for love of any kind.  We’d traded numbers, flirted and I thought he was cute and wanted my friend to apply to college.  This little decision brought me the best person possible to build a custom home for my quirky-girl heart.  He and our kids are the three great loves of my life. 
33.  Arrogance and entitlement are unattractive traits.  I’m thankful every day I didn’t marry these traits and I hope and pray every day I’m not raising children like this.
34. Unless you’re a family of nudists, that B!t@H called laundry will never, ever be done. 
35.  When someone gives you a compliment let your first response be thank you instead of disagreeing or discounting them.  For some reason this is super hard.  I don’t know why. 
36.  We women need to stick together more at every age and teach our daughters to do the same.  If we get past our often petty nonsense, we could truly rule the world and make it better. 
37.  The same kids from the same parents living in the same house at the same time can have entirely different childhoods.
38. When the voice inside your head tells you to move that glass because it may spill.  That voice is almost always right. 
39.  Spending time alone is a must.  I’ve always liked being with my own quiet thoughts.  There are times when I just need to get away and be quiet for a while.  It doesn’t mean I’m unhappy, it means I understand what I need to be happy and it’s good for the soul. 
40.  You can be happy anywhere if you choose it and are open to whatever it is life is trying to teach you – exactly where you are.

Now, for some birthday cake and homemade kid cards = jackpot.