So many friends and family have texted, called, emailed and Facebooked me to ask if our families are okay as wildfires burn up my home state of CO. I'm so grateful we know such good, loving and thoughtful people. I thought I'd post to our blog and let everyone know - so far so good. With fires burning Flagstaff Mountain (Boulder), Fort Collins and Colorado Springs - just to name the biggest ones along the Front Range, it's a scary time. Even in our town 168 miles north west of our Longmont, we have haze and can smell the smoke. It's insanty. We're seeing the blood red sunsets here too, a tell-tale sign of wild fires.
We're praying for everyone most especially, our friends in Colorado Springs who are on pre-evacuation and everyone else directly effected.
Here is a photoblog from the Denver Post that will leave you speechless.
http://blogs.denverpost.com/captured/2012/06/27/colorado-wildfires-waldo-canyon-fire-colorado-springs/5732/
To quote my son, "Whenever I see those pictures I feel so bad (streches his arms out wide), like this bad Mommy."
If you wish to make an donation to help the victims, I always recommend the American Red Cross. They were first to help our family living in the New Orleans area during the aftermath of multiple hurricanes over the past 20 years.
http://www.redcross.org/portal/site/en/menuitem.1a019a978f421296e81ec89e43181aa0/?vgnextoid=65bfab87ba438310VgnVCM10000089f0870aRCRD
Praying for rain!!!
One woman's take on the kooky world of motherhood and how it should come with both instructions and oatmeal chocolate chip cookies.
Friday, June 29, 2012
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
I Say No
I am the mother of two lovely people. One just deleted my entire blog entry with the click of a random button on my laptop. The other recently went to school not only late but mad at me. The reason: I wouldn't let her wear flip flops to school. Weather permitted but mommy didn't. In my defense - not that I need to justify - the last time she wore flip flops she scraped her feet up on the gravel playground and was traumatized like only a little girl can be.
For me, parenting gets harder each passing year. Don't get me wrong, I remember newborn babies, and the work they require if you're doing it right. That's a level of tired you only understand if you've not slept for more than a three hour stretch for months upon months and during those waking moments you, fed, held, carried, rocked, burped, swaddled, bathed, comforted, dressed, and attended to the every need of a new human who has no means to communicate. Capital "H" Hard. Potty training: HARD!
Somewhere after potty training is what I think of as the communication phase. The Yes/No era is first a time when life becomes very black and white in its nos and yeses. The rules are pretty clear. No you cannot lick the electrical outlet, yes you can have more milk. No you cannot eat that candy you found in the abyss of the toxic car cart at Safeway and yes you can try sliding down the slide on your own.
Somewhere after this is what I fondly refer to as the Negotiation era and it's here life gets...interesting. Pick your battles wisely my friends. It goes something like this, if you clean your room, I'll let you watch Clifford. If you're good in the store, I will let you pick something from the dollar bin. If you take this medicine you can fill in the blank, etc. etc. We as parents become master manipulators. At least I did.
Then comes the ugly realization, the little people, well, they can negotiate too. Scary shiz. Even scarier is when you realize they can manipulate you as well. At this point part of you wants to say, "Well-played offspring. Well-played. I taught you well little grasshopper." Then you realize, dun dun duuuuuh, you've been played.
My daughter is a kind, tenderhearted, and caring individual. So sensitive, at times I worry the world will poison her little girl spirit with a skull and crossbones tattoo. Her teacher told me recently at a conference she's never seen a child embody such empathy and compassion for others, that her kindness is at times very subtle but always present in a knowing smile to a friend who didn't get the answer right and was embarrassed or her willingness to partner up with any kid in the class. Her teacher said she's wanted to tell my daughter how proud she is of this trait but is afraid calling it out will change it so she doesn't. It warmed my heart I tell you. Warmed my heart.
Recently though I've noticed changes in her wants. It's not just toys and movies. It's interest in things that I never imagined discussing with a third grader. Some girls are wearing make-up and high heels to school. Some tease others for still loving Barbie dolls and Princesses. Kids all seem to watch anything and everything on TV and often carry cell phones. To all of this I say, No, thank you.
My most current list of nos:
No, you can't wear short, Christina Aguilera booty shorts. Yes, you can wear super-cool Bermuda-length shorts. No, you can't wear that dress unless you have bike shorts underneath it. Why? If not, when you spin on the bars you'll show the world your underwear. No, you can't wear that skirt anymore, it's too short and too short of skirts and shorts are inappropriate at any age. No, you can't watch that show. Why? It's too grown up for an eight year old. Too much kissing. No, you can't wear high heels, save them for when you're older, like high school and have some girly stuff to look forward to. No, you can't have a cell phone until you're at least 12. No, you can't wear a bikini. Yes, you can have this super cool one-piece and board shorts. No you can't stay up late, because it's a school night and you need sleep so you're rested for learning.
I could go on and on and here's the deal. I know I sound strict. I probably am strict... or am I? Instead of strict it could be, I am a protector of childhood. That illusive thing we should all look back on with reverence. I'm parenting in my late 30's not early or even late 20's. According to the standards of my mother's rules and childhood, this is not strict, just common sense. I simply want a childhood for my children.
These days childhood is becoming something we parents have to fight for. Retailers sell the same clothing to girls ages 5-14. I repeat ages 5-14. I know this because for three years I folded said clothing while working for the big box bullseye. Tank tops have built in bras for girls ages 5-14. I've folded pleather, and see-through lace leggings in a size 4/5. Appalling. Even the college-aged kids I worked with referred to them as, wait for it, "pedophile bait." TV shows on Disney, often showcase girls with boyfriend problems, bratty attitudes and often racial stereotypes. These shows are marketed not to tweens but elementary students who are getting the ultimate mixed messages. Commercials aired during these shows tout Pillow Pets with nightlights before returning to cute 17 year olds with trendy outfits, cool bedrooms and two-timing boyfriends.
I say no to so many of these things because I want to say yes to them when they're appropriate. I want to give my daughter things to look forward to. Like high heels, in the teen years or a crazy thing, like, a childhood while she's young not like a Neverland when she's 30 kinda of childhood. All too soon, she'll be doing all the nos and more, so the gift I can give her now, is the precious time to be little. After all, if we as a society continue to give girls access to everything now, won't they simply keep wanting more and more adult things at earlier and earlier ages?
It's with this in mind that, I rebel. I rebel against Disney, against what's cool and say: stay little, for just a little while longer for dear daughter, the answer maybe no now, but it won't be forever and it's always, always because I love you.
For me, parenting gets harder each passing year. Don't get me wrong, I remember newborn babies, and the work they require if you're doing it right. That's a level of tired you only understand if you've not slept for more than a three hour stretch for months upon months and during those waking moments you, fed, held, carried, rocked, burped, swaddled, bathed, comforted, dressed, and attended to the every need of a new human who has no means to communicate. Capital "H" Hard. Potty training: HARD!
Somewhere after potty training is what I think of as the communication phase. The Yes/No era is first a time when life becomes very black and white in its nos and yeses. The rules are pretty clear. No you cannot lick the electrical outlet, yes you can have more milk. No you cannot eat that candy you found in the abyss of the toxic car cart at Safeway and yes you can try sliding down the slide on your own.
Somewhere after this is what I fondly refer to as the Negotiation era and it's here life gets...interesting. Pick your battles wisely my friends. It goes something like this, if you clean your room, I'll let you watch Clifford. If you're good in the store, I will let you pick something from the dollar bin. If you take this medicine you can fill in the blank, etc. etc. We as parents become master manipulators. At least I did.
Then comes the ugly realization, the little people, well, they can negotiate too. Scary shiz. Even scarier is when you realize they can manipulate you as well. At this point part of you wants to say, "Well-played offspring. Well-played. I taught you well little grasshopper." Then you realize, dun dun duuuuuh, you've been played.
My daughter is a kind, tenderhearted, and caring individual. So sensitive, at times I worry the world will poison her little girl spirit with a skull and crossbones tattoo. Her teacher told me recently at a conference she's never seen a child embody such empathy and compassion for others, that her kindness is at times very subtle but always present in a knowing smile to a friend who didn't get the answer right and was embarrassed or her willingness to partner up with any kid in the class. Her teacher said she's wanted to tell my daughter how proud she is of this trait but is afraid calling it out will change it so she doesn't. It warmed my heart I tell you. Warmed my heart.
Recently though I've noticed changes in her wants. It's not just toys and movies. It's interest in things that I never imagined discussing with a third grader. Some girls are wearing make-up and high heels to school. Some tease others for still loving Barbie dolls and Princesses. Kids all seem to watch anything and everything on TV and often carry cell phones. To all of this I say, No, thank you.
My most current list of nos:
No, you can't wear short, Christina Aguilera booty shorts. Yes, you can wear super-cool Bermuda-length shorts. No, you can't wear that dress unless you have bike shorts underneath it. Why? If not, when you spin on the bars you'll show the world your underwear. No, you can't wear that skirt anymore, it's too short and too short of skirts and shorts are inappropriate at any age. No, you can't watch that show. Why? It's too grown up for an eight year old. Too much kissing. No, you can't wear high heels, save them for when you're older, like high school and have some girly stuff to look forward to. No, you can't have a cell phone until you're at least 12. No, you can't wear a bikini. Yes, you can have this super cool one-piece and board shorts. No you can't stay up late, because it's a school night and you need sleep so you're rested for learning.
I could go on and on and here's the deal. I know I sound strict. I probably am strict... or am I? Instead of strict it could be, I am a protector of childhood. That illusive thing we should all look back on with reverence. I'm parenting in my late 30's not early or even late 20's. According to the standards of my mother's rules and childhood, this is not strict, just common sense. I simply want a childhood for my children.
These days childhood is becoming something we parents have to fight for. Retailers sell the same clothing to girls ages 5-14. I repeat ages 5-14. I know this because for three years I folded said clothing while working for the big box bullseye. Tank tops have built in bras for girls ages 5-14. I've folded pleather, and see-through lace leggings in a size 4/5. Appalling. Even the college-aged kids I worked with referred to them as, wait for it, "pedophile bait." TV shows on Disney, often showcase girls with boyfriend problems, bratty attitudes and often racial stereotypes. These shows are marketed not to tweens but elementary students who are getting the ultimate mixed messages. Commercials aired during these shows tout Pillow Pets with nightlights before returning to cute 17 year olds with trendy outfits, cool bedrooms and two-timing boyfriends.
I say no to so many of these things because I want to say yes to them when they're appropriate. I want to give my daughter things to look forward to. Like high heels, in the teen years or a crazy thing, like, a childhood while she's young not like a Neverland when she's 30 kinda of childhood. All too soon, she'll be doing all the nos and more, so the gift I can give her now, is the precious time to be little. After all, if we as a society continue to give girls access to everything now, won't they simply keep wanting more and more adult things at earlier and earlier ages?
It's with this in mind that, I rebel. I rebel against Disney, against what's cool and say: stay little, for just a little while longer for dear daughter, the answer maybe no now, but it won't be forever and it's always, always because I love you.
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
Four addresses, a cancer scare and 2 many funerals Part 2
What was I saying again about sitting down to get things done and then something else happening. So where were we? Oh yes, address three and buying a house.
So as explained earlier, the rental market in Sidney is very, very tough. We quickly discovered if we ever wanted to see our furniture and, "stuff," again we would have to buy. I think we looked at virtually every house in town (not many). The house we ended up buying is a modest three bedroom and two bathroom, two level home about 60 ish years old. The previous owners took pretty good care of it (at least we thought at the time - wait for bathroom debacle of 12/11) and the kicker was the purchase price of $120K. Yes, you read that right. Our mortgage is cheaper than any house payment or rent paid since 1998. Utilities are cheaper than CO or WA and even though it wasn't my first choice of a house, it was my first choice of price and I'm happy with it. It's the nicest place we've ever called home and it feels good to be home owners once again.
So the last week of May, after a very stressful loan officer/underwriter experience we closed on the house (even that took two tries as the first set of calculations were incorrect (cough Quicken Loans cough.) The last weekend in May 2011 we moved into address number four with the help of my brother and Ben's dad. In the past four years we've moved, now, six times and lived in three states. I'm done for a while. As much as I miss Seattle, and I tell you I miss it more than I ever missed CO while living in WA, NE is now home and will be as long as Ben's career continues to move forward.
The summer brought with us three major hail storms. When I say major I mean at times, golf ball to softball-sized, yes softball-sized hail. Houses in the entire north side of Sidney looked like Swiss cheese. The temporary house we had lived in lost windows, siding, roof, and the new tenants had both cars and a camper damaged. Our house made it through okay until the last storm which totalled out out roof and damaged some siding. The saddest news was Ben's beloved truck was totalled out to insurance. However, and this will tell you how much Ben loves that truck, we took the money and kept, yes, kept the tank, proving I will have this car in my life for-the-ever. For those keeping score: Cash for clunkers 0 Land Cruiser 1, Sidney hail 0 Land Cruiser 1, State Farm 0, Land Cruiser 1.
Last summer also brought with it my 20th high school reunion. I went to the first night's event but due to the cost and other family commitments left it at that. It was fun seeing people I hadn't seen in many, many years. Of course I had envisioned losing all this weight prior, but once again, I didn't care enough to do it. :)
This fall we settled in to rural living and began to truly acclimate to our new life. I underwent Physical Therapy to help with my very painful Plantar Faciitis in my left foot. It helped, until I stopped and got a $900 bill, so I decided to deal with it rather than continue to pay for PT.
In September I had the privilege of having lunch with my dear friend, Tina. She was one of my best childhood friends and fighting a very courageous battle with kidney cancer. I'll never ever forget how she made me laugh with her very real way of talking about the situation. The cancer was eating through her skull at that time and she said, "once it makes it to my brain...kheeet," as she waived her hand in a cutting motion across her throat and smiled. She then took off her hat and showed me her very beautiful face and hair. She had lost half her hair permanently during radiation. She smiled at me with laughing eyes and half Mohawk, looking so gorgeous is seemed impossible she was terminally ill. I remember thinking I just wanted to communicate to her, in that moment, how awesome she was. We left our meal and she mentioned that perhaps, her family would take a short road trip to Sidney for a visit that fall. I told her I would love nothing more.
Unfortunately, November came and with it, great loss. On a Sunday morning, while visiting my mom, I heard the phone ring. Then I heard my mom gasp and her voice change. I knew right then my uncle had died. Sick for a long time, this wasn't unexpected, but regardless of how much time you have to prepare you've never really ready for the permanence of death. My uncle was one of the true heroes in my life. Married for 58 years, father of five amazing daughters, he represented to me, all things family. A retired firefighter, family legend dictates, he once saved the town of Los Alamos, NM from burning. I looked to him and my aunt as true examples of what marriage is. To this day, I think he was, quite frankly the best dad to ever father children. He lived a life so full, long, and loving I know God welcomed him at first sight.
The following morning still reeling from my uncle's death, I got word that my beautiful friend, Tina, died. She represented childhood to me. She was my go-to person during those formative years in Elementary and Junior High schools. She taught me how to apply make-up, curl hair, the importance of George Michael and pretty much how to be a girl. We hadn't been close in years, but something about the nature of our friendship as girls made one thing for certain: I will miss her forever. In that moment I let go and sobbed like I hadn't sobbed in a very long time. Poor Ben didn't know what to do when I called him at work.
The rest of November was filled with a road trip to Albuquerque, NM to attend farewell services for my uncle. I hadn't been to NM in 9 years and forgot what a beautiful place it is. I saw cousins I hadn't seen in decades and was reminded how special my family really is. The following week I attended a memorial service for Tina. She touched so many, an estimated 1,500 people attended. Her husband spoke beautifully about her I cried several times. It was a wonderful service for an extraordinary person and friend. I think about her often and the times we shared. I'm profoundly grateful the good Lord sent her to me in the 3rd grade and gave me such a great and enduring friendship.
December (and we're almost done with this epic post) brought one of the best holiday seasons ever. I'm not sure if it was coming off of such a sad time so I appreciated happy more or for the first time in over a decade neither Ben nor I worked retail hours, for whatever reason it was awesome. Ben took the week off between Christmas and New Years. Add in house guests that included my parents, brothers Jeff and Matt, who drove in from New Orleans (in 23 hours mind you). My house was full of both people and love.
I should mention at this time a total bathroom remodel was in swing thanks to faulty plumbing and a bad shower wall install. I don't recommend major home repairs during the high holiday season. Alas, they don't wait for it to be a convenient time. Good news is we have a beautiful new bathroom from the studs and joists on out. PS I'm blaming not getting Christmas cards out on the bathroom debacle.
So there it is, 2011 summed up in a few pages. It was a wild year, one for the record books. I learned a lot about how much stress one can manage through change, growth and geography. I learned once again, cancer isn't fair. It will take people but not their spirit. Real friendship is the trade off for loss and it's priceless. To quote my friend Tina, "The juice is worth the squeeze." Throughout the year and even now, I think of Tina and how we never know how much time we have. So this year and beyond, I chose and will continue to choose to spend my time with people and things that add to my life and lift me up. I'm just saying no to the haters. LOL.
Cheers to 2012.
So as explained earlier, the rental market in Sidney is very, very tough. We quickly discovered if we ever wanted to see our furniture and, "stuff," again we would have to buy. I think we looked at virtually every house in town (not many). The house we ended up buying is a modest three bedroom and two bathroom, two level home about 60 ish years old. The previous owners took pretty good care of it (at least we thought at the time - wait for bathroom debacle of 12/11) and the kicker was the purchase price of $120K. Yes, you read that right. Our mortgage is cheaper than any house payment or rent paid since 1998. Utilities are cheaper than CO or WA and even though it wasn't my first choice of a house, it was my first choice of price and I'm happy with it. It's the nicest place we've ever called home and it feels good to be home owners once again.
So the last week of May, after a very stressful loan officer/underwriter experience we closed on the house (even that took two tries as the first set of calculations were incorrect (cough Quicken Loans cough.) The last weekend in May 2011 we moved into address number four with the help of my brother and Ben's dad. In the past four years we've moved, now, six times and lived in three states. I'm done for a while. As much as I miss Seattle, and I tell you I miss it more than I ever missed CO while living in WA, NE is now home and will be as long as Ben's career continues to move forward.
The summer brought with us three major hail storms. When I say major I mean at times, golf ball to softball-sized, yes softball-sized hail. Houses in the entire north side of Sidney looked like Swiss cheese. The temporary house we had lived in lost windows, siding, roof, and the new tenants had both cars and a camper damaged. Our house made it through okay until the last storm which totalled out out roof and damaged some siding. The saddest news was Ben's beloved truck was totalled out to insurance. However, and this will tell you how much Ben loves that truck, we took the money and kept, yes, kept the tank, proving I will have this car in my life for-the-ever. For those keeping score: Cash for clunkers 0 Land Cruiser 1, Sidney hail 0 Land Cruiser 1, State Farm 0, Land Cruiser 1.
Last summer also brought with it my 20th high school reunion. I went to the first night's event but due to the cost and other family commitments left it at that. It was fun seeing people I hadn't seen in many, many years. Of course I had envisioned losing all this weight prior, but once again, I didn't care enough to do it. :)
This fall we settled in to rural living and began to truly acclimate to our new life. I underwent Physical Therapy to help with my very painful Plantar Faciitis in my left foot. It helped, until I stopped and got a $900 bill, so I decided to deal with it rather than continue to pay for PT.
In September I had the privilege of having lunch with my dear friend, Tina. She was one of my best childhood friends and fighting a very courageous battle with kidney cancer. I'll never ever forget how she made me laugh with her very real way of talking about the situation. The cancer was eating through her skull at that time and she said, "once it makes it to my brain...kheeet," as she waived her hand in a cutting motion across her throat and smiled. She then took off her hat and showed me her very beautiful face and hair. She had lost half her hair permanently during radiation. She smiled at me with laughing eyes and half Mohawk, looking so gorgeous is seemed impossible she was terminally ill. I remember thinking I just wanted to communicate to her, in that moment, how awesome she was. We left our meal and she mentioned that perhaps, her family would take a short road trip to Sidney for a visit that fall. I told her I would love nothing more.
Unfortunately, November came and with it, great loss. On a Sunday morning, while visiting my mom, I heard the phone ring. Then I heard my mom gasp and her voice change. I knew right then my uncle had died. Sick for a long time, this wasn't unexpected, but regardless of how much time you have to prepare you've never really ready for the permanence of death. My uncle was one of the true heroes in my life. Married for 58 years, father of five amazing daughters, he represented to me, all things family. A retired firefighter, family legend dictates, he once saved the town of Los Alamos, NM from burning. I looked to him and my aunt as true examples of what marriage is. To this day, I think he was, quite frankly the best dad to ever father children. He lived a life so full, long, and loving I know God welcomed him at first sight.
The following morning still reeling from my uncle's death, I got word that my beautiful friend, Tina, died. She represented childhood to me. She was my go-to person during those formative years in Elementary and Junior High schools. She taught me how to apply make-up, curl hair, the importance of George Michael and pretty much how to be a girl. We hadn't been close in years, but something about the nature of our friendship as girls made one thing for certain: I will miss her forever. In that moment I let go and sobbed like I hadn't sobbed in a very long time. Poor Ben didn't know what to do when I called him at work.
The rest of November was filled with a road trip to Albuquerque, NM to attend farewell services for my uncle. I hadn't been to NM in 9 years and forgot what a beautiful place it is. I saw cousins I hadn't seen in decades and was reminded how special my family really is. The following week I attended a memorial service for Tina. She touched so many, an estimated 1,500 people attended. Her husband spoke beautifully about her I cried several times. It was a wonderful service for an extraordinary person and friend. I think about her often and the times we shared. I'm profoundly grateful the good Lord sent her to me in the 3rd grade and gave me such a great and enduring friendship.
December (and we're almost done with this epic post) brought one of the best holiday seasons ever. I'm not sure if it was coming off of such a sad time so I appreciated happy more or for the first time in over a decade neither Ben nor I worked retail hours, for whatever reason it was awesome. Ben took the week off between Christmas and New Years. Add in house guests that included my parents, brothers Jeff and Matt, who drove in from New Orleans (in 23 hours mind you). My house was full of both people and love.
I should mention at this time a total bathroom remodel was in swing thanks to faulty plumbing and a bad shower wall install. I don't recommend major home repairs during the high holiday season. Alas, they don't wait for it to be a convenient time. Good news is we have a beautiful new bathroom from the studs and joists on out. PS I'm blaming not getting Christmas cards out on the bathroom debacle.
So there it is, 2011 summed up in a few pages. It was a wild year, one for the record books. I learned a lot about how much stress one can manage through change, growth and geography. I learned once again, cancer isn't fair. It will take people but not their spirit. Real friendship is the trade off for loss and it's priceless. To quote my friend Tina, "The juice is worth the squeeze." Throughout the year and even now, I think of Tina and how we never know how much time we have. So this year and beyond, I chose and will continue to choose to spend my time with people and things that add to my life and lift me up. I'm just saying no to the haters. LOL.
Cheers to 2012.
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